"Suffering is not caused by forces outside of us but by a faulty and limited perception of life and who we are. Our base misperception gives rise to endless cravings for sense satisfaction. Since everything in the universe is constantly changing, nothing in Nature is capable of bringing lasting fulfilment. The unwavering peace we seek is realised by experiencing the unlimited and eternal Peace that is our True Identity. Self-Realisation is attained by mastering the mind." - Inside the Yoga Sutras
For many months now I have noticed a shift and an increase of thoughts judging and comparing myself to just about anyone, especially in the Mysore room (where it all begins). At first it showed itself as a dullness, loss of inspiration if you will in my practice. As I took a closer look, I became more aware of my own thoughts. A feeling of sadness came over me when I could see my mind stuff up close. The judging, the comparing the endless chattering of me never quite reaching and being as good as "them".
Feeling a little bit lost in the mind chattering I decided to pick "Inside the Yoga Sutras" again to get some clarity. I do that, when I feel out of focus- I read.
"Ahamkara is the ego. The ego stakes out the borders of self-identity and then exerts efforts to maintain and strengthen it, while avoiding anything it regards as treating or unpleasant. It is at the level of the ego that suffering arises. It harbours expectations and cravings, becomes frightened, insecure, angry and envious. Yet it is the same ego that experience love, caring and compassion. The Yogi´s first task is to eliminate not the ego but the selfishness that pollutes it. When this is accomplished, negative traits disappear"
At some level, I am in full understanding that I am not my thoughts and so sharing those dark corners of my mind stuff doesn't bother me. Of course it makes me vulnerable but when was that a bad thing. My thoughts does not define me, they do not tell you who I am. Sure they tell a story of my struggles and perhaps a past I am working through.
I am hopeful that by sharing darkness some light is spread